miss you nanny

I found out last night that my nanny died yesterday,
I don’t really know what happened, I found out when I got back from work, apparently my mum had been trying to get hold of me in the day to say she was sick but the battery on my mobile was flat, and I didn’t finish until 5, she died at half 5

I saw her a few weeks ago, she’d had a fall and was in hospital walking up and down the wards stealing other people’s fruit, it was lovely to see her, she had Alzheimer’s so it was difficult to get her to recognise me, I sat on the floor with my head on her lap for a lot of it, she just smiled and stroked my hair, when we left she was really upset and didn’t want me to leave, I promised that I’d come back the next weekend but I didn’t go, I was trying to finish my costume for the midlands expo, I regret it so much, I really feel like I let her down…
I hate the fact that I can be so selfish, it would only take a short train ride to go and see her, less than a tenner…but I’d rather sit on my lazy ass doing fuck all.
I hate it
I should have gone to see her more
I miss her so much already,
I don’t even know what she died from, she had a fighting will and a strong heart,
she’s never really been sick, she’s had trips and falls but that’s the only thing she’s ever had to go to hospital for

I hope she wasn’t in any pain
and I hope she wasn’t alone

I miss u nanny and I love you loads